Core values

A few years ago I didn't understand what core values were. I hadn't consciously thought about what I believed in. Why? For many reasons that I will talk about in future posts. In order for me to understand my core values, I used my alone time to understand who I am.

What are you core values?

Core values are the beliefs you hold close to your heart. They are the beliefs you will not compromise on. They're the compass points that steer your life. When you identify your core beliefs you have a better understanding of yourself and why you do the things you do. Identifying your values also helps you understand why you may be lonely and what you need to help make these times less lonely. When I am lonely it usually means my core needs are not being met.

In African hearts, Gina was caught in an empty place. She thought she valued money, power, travel, and a penthouse to live in, but it left her feeling unfulfilled. She violated her number one value and that was to connect with people at a deep level. Caring for people was important to her and was the reason why she was a nurse before she took over the business after her parents died. When she was in Gumboli she had a lot of time to think about her life and she discovered her internal compass was faulty. Gumboli gave her time to reconnect with herself so she could re-evaluate who she really was. This re-assessment changed her life as she realigned and challenged her core values.

During recent years I have revisited my core values and discovered a few of them needed major adjustment. It seems that I too went off on a tangent and consequently became confused and unable to move forward. After some deep soul searching, I discovered many of my actions didn't align with my core values. So how are you going? Are your thoughts and actions in line with your your values or are you struggling to get back to centre?

Stephanie's Choices

In my last post, I talked about loneliness and how it can be turned into a positive experience. Sometimes the loneliness can seem insurmountable especially if you have had many challenges that can leave you feeling low and sometimes making bad choices.

Loneliness is a state of mind.

Stephanie Williams a character in my novel, Web of lies, had several reasons for her loneliness. Her Aunt Sonia, was so ill she was bed-ridden. She wanted Stephanie to look after her at home because Stephanie was her only living relative and she didn't want to die in a hospital.

Caring for Aunt Sonia put a lot of pressure on Stephanie. She hurriedly did things for Sonia to make her comfortable hoping she could snatch some free time to be with her boyfriend, Lachlan. Stephanie found it very difficult to find the time to meet with him and when they met, her emotions were overwhelming and she took chances she may not have otherwise done.

When Lachlan had to go overseas to study she was lonelier than ever, especially when she found out she was pregnant with his baby and Sonia put more pressure on her to care for her. When Stephanie's baby was born, at Sonia's insistence she gave him up for adoption and was so lonely and sad, she became a recluse.

When Aunt Sonia died, and the developers moved in to demolish Sonia's house to build a high-rise in its place, she had nowhere to go. A friend at university offered Stephanie her place to share with her until she found somewhere to live. It was during this time she met Michael. He swept her off her feet and they married. Stephanie believed she would never be lonely again. But sadly her loneliness affected her clear thinking and she ended up in an abusive relationship.

Would Stephanie ever find happiness and be free of that empty feeling of never having a significant other person in her life? Loneliness influenced her to make some not so good decisions. She became a victim of circumstance and decided she would never make a bad decision again. When Lachlan came back into her life, afraid she might make the wrong choice, she kept herself distant from him.

Was this a good choice for Stephanie? What else could she have done? Leave me your ideas below.

Loneliness - a positive or a negative

Just because you are on the path alone, it doesn't mean you are lonely.

Today's life is busy. There's no denying that. There is hustle and bustle in every part of our lives as we strive to earn a living and keep up with family and friends. Lately, I've been wondering about the quality of the connection with family and friends during the busy times of our lives. When we are connected we feel some part of us deep inside is receiving some quality attention and this enhances our wellbeing. If we aren't receiving that deep connection we can feel cut off and lonely.

I've spoken to a lot of people recently who say they are lonely for all kinds of reasons. Loneliness is a common thread weaving through our society. It's okay to feel lonely. It's a human emotion. It means we need companionship and connection with others in a meaningful way. Where the problem occurs is when we don't acknowledge we are lonely and don't do anything about it to connect with others. Sometimes the time isn't right to connect with others I hear you say. That's a fair comment, but are you going to wallow in your self pity or can you turn your lonely energy to doing something productive?

Perhaps you need the time to be alone to rest, to think and to hear the guiding voice inside of you. Be kind to yourself and take time out and just be for a while, and listen to the world around you instead of being in a state of activity. Sometimes this is all we need.

It's how we deal with loneliness that makes the difference at the end of the day. When I feel lonely, and I have many times throughout my life, I choose to acknowledge I am lonely. When I accept my loneliness, my mind begins to work toward changing my thoughts. I ask myself what is the best way I can spend my time at this moment. This question changes my thoughts to a positive outlook to the future. Before long I am engaged in a project that piques my interest and my loneliness disappears. The more I practise this change in mindset, the easier it is for me to move from my lonely state to productive activity.

So next time you are feeling lonely, first seek someone to connect with. If you can't find someone to connect with, accept your loneliness and look for a positive way to fill your time. Remember that hobby you never can find time to work on? How about taking time out now to work on it.

Let me know in the comments section below what activities you participate in to overcome your loneliness. I enjoy writing, coloring in, jigsaw puzzles, sewing, reading and walking and basking in the wonder of nature.

Welcome to the new Laura O'Connell website

Laura O'Connell

A lot has been happening in my life during the past three years. I have neglected my writing as I've dealt with life. As the saying goes, 'life gets in the way'. I have been on a journey of self-discovery, however I have survived and I hope I can serve you in a new and exciting way. I intend to share some of this journey with you during my blog posts, both on a professional and a personal level.

My neighbour, Kim, is an incredible lady who has impacted me and challenged to me think about where I fit in the world. She has given me unconditional love and encouraged me to be all that I am. I went through a stage where I was blocked creatively. No matter which way I turned I couldn't see the next path. I returned to accounting to see if I was meant to go back there but the door closed tightly after sixteen months. I needed to return to the tax world to allow the healing to begin.

The past few months I have been writing, writing and writing some more at a deep and intense level. I learned a lot about myself during this process. I will share about this experience in subsequent posts.

The good news is that I am still writing and I have taken it in a new direction.

African hearts is going to become a series. A new edition has just been released and is available in all good book stores. If you can't find it in a book store it is available on this website or in ebook format.  I am writing the second book in the series at the moment and it is wonderful to have Justin and Kizza back with me as they face the many challenges that university brings. There are a few surprises in this novel as Justin and Kizza interact with their new friends and a special person who impacts their life challenging them to think about their futures.

You may not know Laura O'Connell is my pen name. I've written a  nonfiction book and published articles under my real name, but the time has come for me to also share that part of me with you. During the coming months I will be launching that new, exciting project. Watch this space for more information.

Meanwhile, I will continue the African hearts series. Thank you for being part of my creative journey.

I'd love to hear from you, so please leave a comment below.

Gold Coast Writers Writing Competition

Gold Coast Writers' Association

On Sunday, 14 June 2015, the 2015 Writing Competition was launched at the Gold Coast Writers Association's 25th Anniversary Literary Luncheon.

ADULT COMPETITION

If you are a writer wanting to be published by a traditional publisher, this is an opportunity to by-pass the slush pile and get your work in front of a traditional publisher.

Editor, Annette Barlow of Allen & Unwin is the final judge for the fiction first prize.

Editor, Libby Turner of Pan Macmillan is the final judge for the nonfiction first prize.

Second prize is a line edit and proof read from AS Editing & Proofreading for both fiction and nonfiction genres.

The competition is open to all writers over eighteen years of age within Australia and internationally. Entry fee is $30. Closing date is 30 August 2015.

For the competition guidelines and other important information click here: http://www.goldcoastwriters.org/competitions-gcwa/

CHILDREN'S COMPETITION

Two prizes will be awarded in the short story competition for ages 7 - 10 years and 11 - 13 years. A prize of $50 will be awarded to each of the first place-getters in each age group.

The theme is open and entry is free. Closing date is 15 September 2015.

For the competition guidelines and other important information click here:

http://www.goldcoastwriters.org/competitions-gcwa/

Sharpen your pens and/or flex your fingers and get writing.

These are opportunities don't come very often.

Happy writing and best of luck!