It's been a while since I posted and prior to that my posts have been spasmodic. The reason for this is that I have been on an amazing journey into my writing self. I liken it to being banished to Antarctica. I allowed my writing critic, Drakar, to have control of my head and he did some serious damage to my writing confidence that resulted in me thinking every word I tapped out on the keyboard or scribbled on a page meant nothing. From time to time, every writer has doubts about their work and how it will be received by readers. My doubts overwhelmed me paralysing my writing so that for a long time I couldn't think words at all.
Believing my writing days were over I went back to the accounting world. For the past almost eighteen months I've slogged through the numbers believing I had to hang up my letters and pursue that career and make it into something I would be satisfied with. What I learned was that it was safe and secure with a regular income coming in to pay the bills. What I wasn't prepared for was the war raging within me. The letters and numbers beat against each other creating a potent cauldron of insecurity that left me beaten and confused, alienated and alone, and badly in need of some direction. I let the battle rage believing it would fight itself out and there would be an eventual winner and I would be stronger for the experience.
Anger at the indecision raging within was my constant companion and this affected my relationships to the point of me staying away from family as much as possible and shutting down many of my friendships and terminating friendships before they got started. I was hurting a lot of people and myself. I withdrew from all social contact except the little (my own choice) I received in the work environment and a neighbour who showered me with unconditional love. These shaky relationships is what brought me through the battle and helped me understand my number days are over and I have a clear winner - words!
I am grateful for Kim and my colleagues at Your Wealth Corporation.
This week has started with a new-found confidence in my writing seeing me polish off my manuscript, Dusty, (working title) that I've been working on for two years. It is different to my other books and so needs to go to a different publisher. I wait impatiently for the verdict and while I wait, I place my fingers on the keyboard and work on the long awaited Mr Bojangles (working title), sequel to African Hearts. This story has been in the pressure cooker since African Hearts was finished. It is well-cooked and ready to come out of the oven, so I anticipate it will be written with nimble fingers flying across the keyboard requiring stops only for refuelling and other bodily comforts until the story is out.
Drakar, meanwhile ... heh, heh ... I'm pleased to say has been sent on a holiday to the lovely Antarctica where he will be for the duration of this summer and hopefully lost in an unseasonal blizzard. As for the numbers, they continue to be, but not with me. They are left in the hands of young vibrant people who want to make a difference to the bottom line of businesses and help them achieve their goals while at the same time working toward their own dreams.
As Mr Bojangles unfolds, I'll keep you posted...