Stephanie's Choices

In my last post, I talked about loneliness and how it can be turned into a positive experience. Sometimes the loneliness can seem insurmountable especially if you have had many challenges that can leave you feeling low and sometimes making bad choices.

Loneliness is a state of mind.

Stephanie Williams a character in my novel, Web of lies, had several reasons for her loneliness. Her Aunt Sonia, was so ill she was bed-ridden. She wanted Stephanie to look after her at home because Stephanie was her only living relative and she didn't want to die in a hospital.

Caring for Aunt Sonia put a lot of pressure on Stephanie. She hurriedly did things for Sonia to make her comfortable hoping she could snatch some free time to be with her boyfriend, Lachlan. Stephanie found it very difficult to find the time to meet with him and when they met, her emotions were overwhelming and she took chances she may not have otherwise done.

When Lachlan had to go overseas to study she was lonelier than ever, especially when she found out she was pregnant with his baby and Sonia put more pressure on her to care for her. When Stephanie's baby was born, at Sonia's insistence she gave him up for adoption and was so lonely and sad, she became a recluse.

When Aunt Sonia died, and the developers moved in to demolish Sonia's house to build a high-rise in its place, she had nowhere to go. A friend at university offered Stephanie her place to share with her until she found somewhere to live. It was during this time she met Michael. He swept her off her feet and they married. Stephanie believed she would never be lonely again. But sadly her loneliness affected her clear thinking and she ended up in an abusive relationship.

Would Stephanie ever find happiness and be free of that empty feeling of never having a significant other person in her life? Loneliness influenced her to make some not so good decisions. She became a victim of circumstance and decided she would never make a bad decision again. When Lachlan came back into her life, afraid she might make the wrong choice, she kept herself distant from him.

Was this a good choice for Stephanie? What else could she have done? Leave me your ideas below.

Loneliness - a positive or a negative

Just because you are on the path alone, it doesn't mean you are lonely.

Today's life is busy. There's no denying that. There is hustle and bustle in every part of our lives as we strive to earn a living and keep up with family and friends. Lately, I've been wondering about the quality of the connection with family and friends during the busy times of our lives. When we are connected we feel some part of us deep inside is receiving some quality attention and this enhances our wellbeing. If we aren't receiving that deep connection we can feel cut off and lonely.

I've spoken to a lot of people recently who say they are lonely for all kinds of reasons. Loneliness is a common thread weaving through our society. It's okay to feel lonely. It's a human emotion. It means we need companionship and connection with others in a meaningful way. Where the problem occurs is when we don't acknowledge we are lonely and don't do anything about it to connect with others. Sometimes the time isn't right to connect with others I hear you say. That's a fair comment, but are you going to wallow in your self pity or can you turn your lonely energy to doing something productive?

Perhaps you need the time to be alone to rest, to think and to hear the guiding voice inside of you. Be kind to yourself and take time out and just be for a while, and listen to the world around you instead of being in a state of activity. Sometimes this is all we need.

It's how we deal with loneliness that makes the difference at the end of the day. When I feel lonely, and I have many times throughout my life, I choose to acknowledge I am lonely. When I accept my loneliness, my mind begins to work toward changing my thoughts. I ask myself what is the best way I can spend my time at this moment. This question changes my thoughts to a positive outlook to the future. Before long I am engaged in a project that piques my interest and my loneliness disappears. The more I practise this change in mindset, the easier it is for me to move from my lonely state to productive activity.

So next time you are feeling lonely, first seek someone to connect with. If you can't find someone to connect with, accept your loneliness and look for a positive way to fill your time. Remember that hobby you never can find time to work on? How about taking time out now to work on it.

Let me know in the comments section below what activities you participate in to overcome your loneliness. I enjoy writing, coloring in, jigsaw puzzles, sewing, reading and walking and basking in the wonder of nature.